Ever wonder how to get your child’s teacher to communicate more frequently? It all starts with laying the groundwork for a positive relationship.
If it ever seems like your child’s teacher does not contact you enough think about this:
Teacher’s of elementary have 20-30 per class; if all families are “conventional” (2 married parents) each family is a 3 person unit for the teacher. If a family is “non-conventional” the family unit could be made up of 5. The total number of people, per 20 pupil class, the teacher may need to communicate with (including the child) ranges from 40 to 60. Single subject teachers in higher grades increase this ratio because these teachers are seeing well over 100 children on a daily basis bringing the numbers to a possible 400 (including the child).
Teachers typically don’t play favorites, but they’re much quicker to communicate with parents who’ve made it a point to be positive, show interest and show kindness. No one wants to listen to an irrational rant by a dissatisfied individual, and everyone wants to be praised-teachers included.
As former middle school teacher (and a child of divorce), I have 3 tips to help you get your child’s teacher to reach out:
- Reach out early and kindly offering your assistance and understanding. Own up to your child’s imperfections in this first communication. And ensure the teacher you are part of your child’s educational team and that you’ll listen before reacting and refrain from attacking when you don’t like something. An example of a way to make this clear is: Thank you for all you do for my son. He really likes when you do projects in class. I know he has lots of energy. I wanted to reach out and let you know that we are here to support you. I’m sure you’ve noticed that our son is full of energy; we often try to give him tasks at home to release it before doing homework, we find if he unloads the dishwasher he can sit for 20 minutes. If you have any tips for us, please share them; we are eager to learn other ways to help our son excel and feel good about himself. And we’re here to support you; please let us know if his energy is ever a distraction to others and we’ll happily work with you.
- Call a few times a year to compliment the teacher- tell the teacher you don’t expect a call back, you just wanted to share how much you liked a recent unit of study, project or assignment and you wanted him/her to know you’re there anytime and you hope he/she has a great day
- Let go, and allow your child to be the main line of communication. And even allow your child to fail. It’s hard, I know, but failure leads to better learning and satisfaction from one’s own achievements. Plus, your child’s teacher will appreciate that you take a step back and let it happen; kids can only learn if we let them and too much assistance (running home for the forgotten homework, complaining if your kid was caught cheating rather than allowing for a teachable moment, or doing their homework when they struggle) is counterproductive because kids learn they’re incapable, above the rules or don’t have to try because you’ll step in rather than learn how to be learners. . Any educator will tell you that the most successful learners know how to recover from setbacks. While those who have mom and dad preventing failure struggle both emotionally and academically. True Story: My son forgot his rain coat at school; he’s in kindergarten, it’s his first week. My mom instinct was to pull over, unload both kids including my starving, screaming preschooler and head back in to get it. But I refrained, instead making it a teachable moment that I hope sticks with him, allowing him to accept consequences and serve as a reminder to be responsible for his stuff. So, rather than tiger mom it, I calmly and kindly reminded him that he’s responsible for himself and his stuff, and since he left his coat at school he’ll just have to wait until he goes next week to get his rain coat (my fingers are crossed we get no rain over the long weekend). It’s a small failure, but it bothered him enough for him to be show concern, and hopefully it’s a building block towards greater responsibility in the future (because I don’t plan to have my kids living with me forever).
Reach out, infrequently and kindly, throughout the year. You’ll be surprised how often the teacher reaches out to you with positive feedback and any concerns about your child.
-Just one mom who remembers what’s it’s like being on the other side of the classroom, Jess
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